LOST-Theories.com

I am a cow of answers, come and milk me!

— TomsBeard

Fear not! For I have returned from my studies to impart my wisdom once again, come ignornant ones! Quench your thirst with the sweet waters of my own personal fountain of knowledge! Most men would charge, but not I!

Are you ready? If you don’t want to know the results look away now!

Q: What is the four toed statue?

A: Unbeknownst to our plane crashees, they are no longer on planet earth, they are on Thundera, former home of the Thunder Cats, the statue was actually of the leader of the cat people, Lion-O which is why it only has four toes.

Q: Who are Adam and Eve?

A: These are the actual evidence that the show was all mapped out from day one, and they are infact the bodies of David and Victoria Beckham, at some point in the future the Hanzo Foundation will discover that in order to solve the Valenzetti Equation they must place David and Victoria Beckham in a place were they can longer iritate the human race. They do this by telling them it will be good publicity if they fly around the world in a private jet donated by the Hanzo Foundation and plan them a route sending them straight into vortex which transports them back in time to the island 80 years ago.

Q: Why did Jack take the Black and White stones?

A: When Jack saw evidence of other people on the island, being the spoiled rich boy that he is, he believed the stones were some form of currency and decided he had better start to amass his own personal fortune quickly and before the rest of them get the same idea, which is why he has never shown them to anyone.

Q:Is Rousseau telling the truth?

A: No. I mean did you really think she was? In actual fact her story is partially true she DID murder her husband and several of her fellow tourists when she was on holiday in England. In the spirit of balmy political correctness the criminal justice system decided the best way to ‘rehabilitate’ her would be to send her on hand-gliding holiday over the pacific, which was how she ended up on the island.

Q: What are the polar bears for?

A: AHA! Blink and you would have missed it! Most people who remember Charlies comment about seeing a polar bear on roller blades with a mango think he was joking, he wasn’t. When Dharma were trying to create a uptopian society they did a survey of what all ordinary societies don’t have, and the most popular answer was ‘The Polar Bear Olympics!’ This is why they had the skinner box like cages on the other island.

Q: When Ben was pretending to be Henry Gale did he mean to get captured?

A: No.

Q: Why did Ben tell everybody the Looking Glass was flooded?

A: Ben has a passion for Lesbian porn, unfortunately the food drops never contain Dharma Issue pornography, much to his frustration. So he hatched a cunning plan to lock two women in a isolated station underwater (he also loves the movie SPLASH!) and see what happens. He secrectly records them from the Pearl Station.

Well that’s about it for today! Once again thank you everybody for the inspiration! Many hands make light work! I’ve been TomsBeard, you’ve been wonderful!

Comments

  1. Quarantine Nov 24, 2007 8:30 p.m. Comment: 1

    I like the lesbian porn angle. Tell me more.

  2. Annie79 Nov 25, 2007 7:50 a.m. Comment: 2

    Tom, I just enjoy these too much!!!! +1

    Thanks so much for answering my questions, that really put my mind at ease and I can finally sleep now. :-)

    I*ll think about some more for you answer.

  3. Annie79 Nov 25, 2007 7:52 a.m. Comment: 3

    or, for you to answer.

  4. TomsBeard Nov 25, 2007 3:02 p.m. Comment: 4

    You do that Annie! But please remember credit not just due to me but to all the great minds on this site that provide me with my inspiration. If speculation is the food of knowledge then I am in serious danger of throwing up!

    Quarantine, Lesbian porn is were two women are filmed having sex.

  5. ozzig Nov 25, 2007 4:54 p.m. Comment: 5

    Actually, TB, that is what is called girl-on-girl and it’s not real lesbians, just something made for men. Real lesbian porn is different. Not that I’ve seen it. I just read a lot. about a lot of things. Many different things.

  6. ozzig Nov 25, 2007 5:08 p.m. Comment: 6

    And BTW, i realize every male out there is going to say “Who the hell cares if it’s real or not?” Common sense told me I shouldn’t have piped up on this one. I wish I had listened.

  7. TomsBeard Nov 25, 2007 5:30 p.m. Comment: 7

    Ok I’ll bite, what is the difference? And how do know Bonnie and Greta aren’t real lesbians? What do they do down there all day?

  8. TomsBeard Nov 25, 2007 5:32 p.m. Comment: 8

    And since we are on the subject I do know some women enjoy watching it!

  9. ozzig Nov 25, 2007 6:54 p.m. Comment: 9

    If it needs to be explained to you, then you obviously aren’t missing out on anything by being ignorant, right? And if it was explained to you, you still wouldn’t see the difference anyway because you are obviously male. And B & G aren’t doing anything down there, they’re dead, remember?

  10. lockeko Nov 25, 2007 8:49 p.m. Comment: 10

    Its not necrophyllia if the body’s still warm

  11. ozzig Nov 26, 2007 5:08 a.m. Comment: 11

    I’ll assume you’re speaking hypothetically and purely from a legal standpoint.

  12. lockeko Nov 26, 2007 12:11 p.m. Comment: 12

    Just a rumor I heard from a man named Orrick

  13. Quarantine Nov 28, 2007 5:58 p.m. Comment: 13

    So this Greta and Bonnie thing. I’m thinking the two of them taking a midnight swim in the moon pool. A bottle of Dharma Initiative pinot lays empty near the edge.

    They playfully tug at each other’s shirts. They laugh. They stop laughing. They look into each other’s eyes. They share the real the secret of “Good Vibrations.”

    Now there’s a benipulation I can get on board with.

  14. Quarantine Nov 29, 2007 3:18 p.m. Comment: 14

    Damn. I’ve been divorced about a year now. Re-reading my earlier post,, I realize that it’s starting to show. ;-)

  15. ozzig Dec 3, 2007 7:06 a.m. Comment: 15

    No, Q, it;s not beginning to show…. I have to ask, would this issue have even come up if it had been Bob and Brian down there all that time?